September

I have been blogging for almost a month now so I'm going to do a monthly recap of September, and write about some of my plans for the future of this blog. So this month I got a computer, became an outcast, made my first friend, destroyed my cell phone, lost a talent show, and more. I'd say compared to the rest of my life, this September went pretty well. I've learned to type and be a nerd like Fredward, and destroy expensive electronics. Now on to the "plans for the future of this blog."
I would appreciate it if you guys would tell your friends about this and come back here. November will be donation month, where you give me money and I waste it on some kind of crap. I would also like to point out that the site is approaching 1000 views. Every time the sites view counter increases a digit, I will post an extra extra long post as well as a picture. There's just one last thing, If you like the site and want to have a link to your site on here, email me at SaveTheDucksPlease@gmail.com with the subject of link. Thanks for coming to my blog. BYE!

Family Reunion

Today me and my family got called to one of those emergency family reunions. You know, when someone thinks the family is falling apart so they invite everyone over to their house. Right after the 300 mile drive to my Uncles house I immediately went into the bathroom and stayed there for most of the time. Eventually I heard my uncle ask, "where's Billy?" Then I heard my Mom saying, "oh I thinks he's still in the bathroom. So then my Aunt says, "You mean with that deer carcass?" Sure enough when I looked down I saw a large dead animal. I can't believe it took me 20 minutes to notice that. Anyway, then my Mom asks, "Deer carcass?" My Uncle says, "oh yeah, it's been in there for about 6 years now. That's why we always use the neighbors bathroom." "I didn't know you had neighbors!" "We Don't!"

Okay, I think I'll skip a few lines there since what really happened next should never be repeated. So once I got those cats out of my pocket protector the family started to sing campfire songs... with no campfire...

So we are all here singing now,
Singing about a snow plow,
Lets the fires flames grow higher,
And let Uncle Jim turn into a pie...er

Soccer Try Outs

Today I went to the try-outs for select soccer. Right after it started I got hit in the head by a ball. Then I got hit in the head by a water bottle... and a car... and Fredward. After Fredward explained that he had decided to fly out here to be on my soccer team I knew that car had hevily damaged my head. I decided this would be a good chance to meet some other kids, "HI I'M BILLY LUKAS AND I'M SPECIAL!" That was just about when the coach made up a new drill. Peg the nerdy kids with soccer balls. I guess the kids made the team if they made me black out. After I woke up my mom informed me that I had accidentally gone to the girls try outs... again... Now that I think about it, it's sort of sad that I didn't even make it onto the girls U-10 team. I guess I'll just end up being "that guy who is always on the side lines, and gets attacked by angry parents"... again.

Walmart

Today I went to Walmart. I decided this would be the best time to use the skills I learned from that book, "How to be special." I walked up to and old man and said, "I'll help you across this isle old man." He started yelling about he was not old and only half blind and one of my teachers. I won't be going back to school next monday. Not until I explain to Mr. Gorlotherson that I had forgotten he was only 32... and my Uncle. Next I went around reminding people that we will all die one day... and all of our friends will die... and relatives... and pets. Then I got kicked out of the store. They called the police after I did some of my interprative dances in the parking lot. My Mom wasn't too happy about that, so I got grounded from doing all of the stuff I love. Like telling people about real estate. And say words like entrepreneur and spaghetti and, and, and cattle. I've got to go have dinner now. Bye!

The Talent Show

The talent show was today. I'll have to say it went pretty well. I even fit into the leotard! The talent show started with a kids who recited a poem... what's up with that... he wrote a poem about a tree... then read it to us... It went like so...

I like the tree,
the wonderful, wonderful tree,
it always makes me smile,
I look at it for a while,
the tree is like cheese,
I am also like cheese,
the tree has a fungus infection,
I am also like cheese

After that we went up and did our dance. When everyone saw the leotard they were totally into our act. It made so many people smile I can't believe we didn't win. After that some kids did a comedy act. This is how it went...

JOE - I can't stand that smell Bob
BOB - Me neither Joe
JOE - Lets find out what that smell is coming from Bob
BOB - That is a good idea Joe
JOE - Oh my golly Bob the smell is you Bob
BOB - Yes it is Joe
JOE - Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
BOB - Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
JOE - Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
BOB - Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

After a couple minutes of laughing one of the teachers tackled them sending them flying off the stage. Bye guys.

More Health Class, And Story

In health class today we enetered in the results from yesterdays food records. I got a 55 and the computer box said I was special. Most of the class got somewhere between 10 and 40 but I did better. My teacher kept on saying that lower scores were better but I know he was just trying to make the other kids feel better. Today In Language arts I started a story. Here's the first part.

Once upon a time, I had a hat. I named the hat Pat. The hat sat on a hill. I gave the hat a pill. I can't think of another part of the story. E equals MC squared is hat plus platipus...

My teacher gave me a D. That probably standed for... um... Dorsal... Fin... She kept on saying "this ain't math class Lukas" and, "now where did I put that cucumber." Over all I had a pretty good day. Thanks for visiting my blog. Yay for small typing!

The Wonders Of Health Class

We're stopping PE for a couple of weeks to do health class. We watched this educational video about a guy who loses his dentures. Then he trips and falls down some stairs. Then he does some kind of a dance... Later we found out our health teacher had accidentally put in his video diary on accident. Anyway, today we had to record everything we ate. Tomorrow we enter all the stuff in and find out if it's a healthy diet. I'm probably going to get a pretty high score, after I only ate a couple of see artichokes. Health class just teaches you everything you already know... "I don't know if any of you knew it but eating food is good for you" and the stuff that you wish you didn't know, "I don't know if any of you knew it but you are some of the fattest kids I've ever seen." After that Coach Bradley started mumbling about, "If only coach had put me in fourth courter..." I got a much more colorful vocabulary after some kid tripped and face planted Mrs. Hamberly's spikey shoe. I coudn't believe some of the words coming out of Mrs. Hamberly's mouth!

Just Another One

Hi, I'm back with another post. I can't wait until Fredward gets back from his vacation. Nobody else even talks to me... not my friends... or my teachers... or my parents... Anyway, school was pretty normal today. I arrive at school. I get hit by some kind of projectile (pencil, cat, teacher, ice cream truck.) I go to my first class. I go to my second class. My teacher locks me out of my third class. I climb the side of the building and go in through the windows. I get in trouble for not using the door like normal people. I go to my fourth class. I go to my fifth class. I get mistaken for a sixth grader and put on some kind of field trip or something. I get back just after lunch. And for the rest of the day I listen to people pronounce me name wrong... B-I-L-ogna... B-I-ke... Agatha. Anyway on my way home from school I got a phone call. Can you believe it. I guess paying for 7 months of service was well worth it. And now I know that my phone sort of works. Anyway I picked up and immediatley heard, "HELLO YOUNG LADY. THIS IS NOT A COMMERCIAL CALL. YOU COULD BE GETTING LOWER CREDIT RATES. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO PURCHASE LOWER CREDIT RATES. YOU WILL ONLY HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE THAT WE ARE CHARGING FOR LOWER CREDIT RATES. I AM VERY PLEASED THAT YOUR MOTHER IS..."
Then the call cut off and it was silence. That was the first call i've ever gotten. OH YEAH!

School and Soccer

School today was crazy. I was trying to look cool with my hot new hat, until one of the teachers told me to, "take that cheesecake" off my head! Then when I got home my Dad made me watch The Joy of Walruses. It turned out to be the kind of thing where they actually try to speak for the animal, "Jonny the Walrus is nice to his parents because he knows that they will send him to and orphanage if he is a bad walrus". Then I had soccer practice. The coach gave me twenty laps because I was goofing off with some friends. That's pretty sad considering, I don't really have any friends... or a coach... At school they anounced the talent show coming soon. I'm going to do an interprative dance with a kid from the pre-school. We totally picked out a popular song. "Groovy hits that we didn't just pull out of the 70's." In my opinion we have an easy win there.

Educational Films

Oh great... My Dad just got another one of his "educational films" in the mail. This one is called, "The joy of Walruses." The worst part is that he thinks the whole family needs to see these things. It might even be slightly okay if anything in them was actually educational. All there is, is some guy with a heavy accent narrating some kind of every day event and trying to make it sound like something is really going on! IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD!!!!!

Okay, sorry about that. I've got to go do homework now but I'll be back tomorrow. Bye!

Garage Sale

My family is having a garage sale and they want me to get all this stuff together to sell it. Last time we had a garage sale, my mom decided to just give all of my stuff away to the little kids. Then some guy accidentally knocked the toaster onto my cat. I can't believe my parents still want to have another one. Oh, and this time my parents think they are going to make some BIG cash selling their collectible cheeses of Asia set. Whatever!

The game and Band practice

I just got back from a great soccer game. You remember the time when I through up on the class bully? Well he was on the other team. He kept on tripping, flying 12 feet, and impaling me into the gole. I don't even understand how he kept that battle axe in his shorts for the whole game! Anyway, we lost the game. We always do... ever since the rest of the team quit. The main reason everyone quits is because the football players always attack the soccer players at River Park. Even the teachers always seem to pick on soccer players... "Billy, you play soccer, why don't you demonstrate how to absorb the ball with you fleshy face" is basiclly the only thing nice Coach Bradley has ever said to me... I also had band practice this morning. Gilderoy came up with a mad didgeridoo solo. Well that's when my mom came in doing some kind of tap dance. Then she tripped and broke Jonnys triangle. He's still pretty mad at me! If anything else happens today, I'll keep you informed.

Cell Phones

My cell phone just broke. I think I took it pretty well considering I only cried for 9 hours. I should be sad but whenever it squirts out that little bit of pus it always cheers me up. If you want to give me money just email me at SaveTheDucksPlease@gmail.com with the subject of CELL PHONE.

Field Trip

Today we had one of the worst field trips of my life. It started on the bus when my driver announced that we were behind schedule and we would have to make up the lost time. The next thing i knew we were going 60 in a ten mile per hour zone. I heard a cop car following us. The bus driver decided this would be a good time to speed up. Now my teacher Mrs. Hamberly normally would have stopped all this but she was to focused on her "Tap Dance the 80's" CD. Anyway the cops were chasing us at about 70 miles per hour in down town and my bus driver decided to speed up, "Come on ol' boy" he yelled. I guess those buses were meant for those high speed chases since the cop car spun out and we made it to Jack Hoppleys glue factory without a scratch. Well apparently the boys at Hoppleys were expecting a bunch of kindergardeners since we were greeted by a dancing frog named Orwell. I guess not everyone thought it was dumb. One kid insisted that we didn't leave until he got a chance to hug Orwell. I guess the security guards didn't think hugging Orwell was such a good idea since they tazered the kid and dragged him away. After that Mrs. Hamberly told us that this was probably a good time to leave. Yeah, don't you wish you could have come?

E-mail

I just got an e-mail address! You guys can e-mail me any fan-mail, questions, fan-mail, marriage proposals, fan-mail, or fan-mail you want to. It's SaveTheDucksPlease@gmail.com
Thanks!

Another Day Down The Drain

Today i found out just how unathletic I really am. We were running the mile in PE. I thought it would be easy to beat the rest of the class and stuff but boy was I wrong. I was just about to give up and collapse when coach Bradley yelled, "GO!" Anyway I started running, made it seven feet, and threw up all over the class bullys back. I will be feeling that in the future... Ow... My life seems to be sounding more and more like frewdwardo... I meen Freds. I also found out one of the saddest things in my life... my goldfish really doesn't talk. Aparently it was all just a speaker my parents put behing the tank. I should have known after the time I asked it if it had ever been picked on by a bully, and he said, "Im Timmy Tuna and I like to be happy." Or maybe the time when I spilled some of the water of the tank on the speaker and Timmy short cirucuted. "Im Timmy Tuna and~#~ they're~#~ coming~#~ for~#~ you!" I need some time alone...

PE and "Parent Comedy Night"

That was the worst day of my life. I'm not kidding. My worst day ever started at PE when coach Bradley said "We're playin' dodgeball boys." Well I like this girl named Cornelious and she was on the other team. I accedentaly hit here in the face with a ball sending her flying into the large fish tank that Couch Bradley keeps his tigers in. It wasn't pretty. Well now my chances with Cornelious are probably even better since I sent here flowers while she was in the Emergency room. The other horrible thing that happened was much much much worse and painful. It was parent comedy night at school tonight and I thought my parents we at home watching TV like usual but boy was I wrong. Jonnys Dad had just finished a great skit when the most horrific thing happened. My Mom and Dad walked out onto the stage. The whole thing keeps on replaying in my mind. My Dad sais, "heya, kids. My son Billy Willy Filly didn't know we were coming tonight but we decided to surprise him." My mom sais, "lets get started honey... get the baby pictures." I hate to say but theres more. But its all just a blur of stuff like - "Didn't Billy look so cute in the bath," and "Can you believe he would do that every time we said wombat." Thats it, the worst day of my life... thanks for coming.

Okay, I'm Weird

Yeah, third post today, so what. I just have to tell you about the most amaizing story ever. Me and Fred were on IMVU when it started. We had decided to enter this big fashion show. I was wearing a golden dress with those poofy arm thing, and Fred was wearing a Mickey mouse costume (thanks to his awesome modding skills.) Anyway we totally dominated the first round. In the second round someone started cussing at Fred and got banned. Normally I wouldn't have thought much of that but because of the emotional stress we had aparently gone through, the judges gave us a free pass to the semi finals. Durring the semi finals something amaizing happened. The player of the Judge had a hart attack when he saw Fred and by default the remaing players went directly to the finals. There we were, the last three, Me, Fred, and Edward Cooper. That's where the Miracle happened. Edward was hit by a flying school bus. No kidding. Aparently Fred isn't the only modder plaing IMVU. Well Fred ended up winning because the finals judge was a four year old girl... yeah... but it was still pretty amaizing. Sorry to all you hardcore fans but this is going to be my last pot today as it is my bedtime. 5:00... Well i've got to get my beauty sleep some time. And thats also when my mom makes me go to bed... anyway, BYE!

Another Post

Something amaizing just happened. I just foud someone whos life is sadder than mine. I decided to help him and stuff since he seems nice. Fortunately he doesn't live anywhere near me and we just talk online so he cant see how dorky i am. I meen the kids life may be sad, but hes got stile. We met on IMVU and I made him get a blog too and stuff. We were at a fashion show and stuff and its just so cool. I would have won if my high heel had't fallen off and I hadn't used so many four letter words. It's nice to have a friend now that all of my old friend left me to be popular. His blog is at
here.

I'll probably post again later tonight!

I'm Back

I got back from my trip today! I went to Seattle to see my Uncle. Today was a half day at school so we played some games and basicly ran in circles. I also got asked out for the first time ever. You know the kid who thought I talked funny... yeah. The sad thing is, i'm not really amaizingly attractive so that's probably the only person who will being asking me all year. On the brighter side of things, My band Under the Edge practiced today. We're pretty good but our maraca player just quit. I play electric guitar, my friend Sam plays the bass, my friend Jonny plays the triangle, and my friend Gilderoy plays the didgeridoo. We rock! Also the kid who was Screeming about "my golden bladder" invited me over. I hate to say it but... I went. First we played baseball, or should I say he tried to through the ball without accindentaly hitting me in the face. Yeah...

Another Day at School

Okay, apparently being Garry wasn't all that I thought it would be. Before school, a couple of kids came up to me and started yelling about killing their grass... dont ask. Anyway, one of my teachers heard them calling me Garry and told everyone that my real name is Billy Lukas. Lunch didn't go much better. Once everyone found out I wasn't Garry no one would talk to me. Not even my friends. I ended up sitting with a couple of... very interesting people... at a table almost 20 feet away from the other kids. One of them wanted to be my friend because I talk funny. Another keeped on yelling about my golden bladder, and the other one gave me his "special cookie." My day didn't go very well, but at least I get to go on a trip tomorrow. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I won't be posting again until the 16th ... Sorry!

First Post

Hi I'm Billy Lukas. I just got my first computer so decided to make a blog. I'm not to good at typing yet but I'm improving. It only took 4 hours to type the last stuff! I'm going to try to post on every day except for the days which i don't post on. Now that that's done with I'll start my first post!

Today was the first day of school. This is my first year at River Park Middle School and my old school was small so I only know a few kids. Luckily I look like some kid who went here for sixth grade since everyone keeps calling me Garry and asking why I didn't move. I think I'm going to go ahead and be Garry for a couple of days so i get to know some people.

Wow, that took forever!